“Multiple Personality Posting Disorder”
I don’t know if the title is a real thing or not, but I’ll tell you this, I have it. I hope to not make this post too long.
When I began posting, it was difficult. I didn’t want to. I was scared; to say the least. I do not do well in crowds, and begin to panic. I asked myself and my woman, “What if they hate me more than people tend to?” “What if they never read it?” “What if they distrust me as naturally as people tend do?” I did not want to post anything. Fear was all over me. She comforted me with her healing touch, words of affirmation, pillow-like voice, and a confidence in me, that I was never allowed having as a developing child. So, I finally posted on WordPress.
No one noticed my post. I didn’t know tags, or anything, and I’m still learning. I feel left out of myself as I can’t get my pages to flow in a simplistic format for people to glide through. I worry if my posts are find-able in the reader, or if people do come to my site, if they can navigate it well. I do have followers. My goal is not to gain the most followers, but maybe enlighten people who had no thoughts one-way-or-the-other about a topic; maybe even alter the thoughts of those who had their minds made up. As much as I enjoyed breaking beyond my fears and posting, I believed I had a lot to say, and the way I type, is a totally different personality from how I speak.
I wanted to speak. I talk a lot. I enjoy laughing, watching funny movies, as well as thought-provoking movies. I wanted to be thought-provoking; not just on WordPress, but on YouTube. I wanted to be a part of it. YouTube is so far ahead of me, and highly saturated in the topics I want to voice my opinions on. I had the same fears on YouTube as I did here; just amplified. Through my life, I often heard my mom, and others say to me, “Boy ain’t nobody studdin’ you.” “Ain’t nobody got time to listen to you and your problems.” This lasted through all stages of school, by multiple types of people, so when it comes to talking on YouTube, my mouth went dry, mind fell numb, and stomach fell into knots that nearly bruised me. It took weeks before I could muster up just testing my voice with Audacity.
We got a USB microphone, headphones, and made pop filters out of paper, and dried-out baby wipes. I tested for days if not weeks to stall, and then, I spoke. To this day, no one comes to Comparative Reasoning’s channel. Maybe my fears were right, but at least, I’m working on getting over my fear. We have 22 main posts, with a full discussion broken into segments for people who don’t have 30 plus minutes to listen. Some are headlined by Sidra Owens of The Wicked Orchard, and most are done by me, Sedrik Cannady. There is barely a view on few, and none on most. There is no camera. I rather people just do what they do, and listen to the installments. I talk far different from I write. Talking: I pause a lot. I space out more, and have to edit it all out so if anyone does listen, they don’t sit in 3 to 15 seconds of silence. My word choice is vastly different in speech, opposed to script on WordPress. I swear a lot more because that is what I do. Being so focused on trying to get my voice out there, has taken away from WordPress – something I thought would not happen – something that must change.
I do come to WordPress often, and when I do, it is to comment on people I do follow. This is just as different. When I comment on people’s posts on WordPress, I’m mostly uplifting, positive, or suggestive, with a sprinkle of sexual peskiness. The same goes for YouTube comments. I’m not uplifting at all there. There, I’m more direct, short, and though I often miss the mark, I try to be poignant about the topics covered by those I am subscribed to.
At times, I often ask myself, “Who the hell are you?” in terms of commenting personalities. Perhaps the answer is something simple like, “You’re all of them,” or something kind of complex, such as, “Your personality is a momentary product of your commenting environment.” I suppose what would be worse, would be that both are correct. In any case, I hope to gain subscribers on YouTube from here, and followers on here from YouTube, and as for Facebook, I don’t fully use it, since they sell their subscribers out to third parties, and use those same people’s information such as pictures, family names, and friends. If you come to any page where I post whether it is Facebook, WordPress, or YouTube, or Tumblr, and Twitter, I deeply, and humbly thank you. I truly do.
Know this: It doesn’t matter if you are listening, or reading, I thank you. I always have, and always will.